Barbara Pressman, our General Manager, talks about the recent, tragic events in our community:

When I was 14 my father committed suicide. He was found hanged from a rope in his own home. He lived one hour away from the RCMP, whom he had called to let them know his intention. They arrived on my doorstep to let us know what had happened. The repercussions of his action have been felt by me ever since. The initial feelings are obvious, sadness, guilt, and anger, to name a few. The surprising ones have been the ones I have felt recently almost forty years later. These are ones of sadness and deep regret, ones of pity and deep remorse. They are emotions that are buried inside of me that do not easily bubble up to the surface to be worn and then discarded like a comfortable pair of shoes that have seen their better days. They are part of me that seemingly do not affect my everyday life, but nonetheless are part of my core imbedded in my soul, an emotional tattoo.

In the recent weeks there have been two suicides and one failed attempt, by high school students. They were like a tiny bird caught in a downdraft desperately trying to free itself from the death grip of the wind that gives it the gift of flight.

Surprisingly after many years of marriage, my husband told me that statistically, children of suicide had a high rate of suicide. That worry had always been in his head. I knew that I would never commit suicide, a commitment I made to myself, a non-choice, because of the affect that this act had on me. I never wanted to do this to others. Honestly as I approached the age that my father was when he took his own life, I wondered if a switch would go off in my head, rendering me helpless to the inevitable, a genetic force that I had no control of, pulling me into that draft with my arms flailing desperately to keep me afloat.

Thankfully that day never came.

Last evening as I discussed these suicides with my friends a question was asked that I have heard many times in these circumstances. What was going on that nothing or no one else came to mind for these young people to keep him or her here with us? What desperation, for kids that seemed to have everything going for them.

The other day my back door was open and a bird flew into the house. I heard it banging itself against a window by the kitchen sink desperately trying to free itself from this self imposed prison it had found itself in. In its’ fear and panic it was caught between a plant and the window. I love birds, I wanted to help, I knew I had to keep my wits about me to make a successful rescue. I stayed calm, had a plan of action, and executed the plan. I put on gloves to protect myself from the birds fear induced onslaught. I gingerly approached, with a clear mindful intention. I placed my hands around its’ body carefully embracing it so that the wings were close to the body. Tightening my grip just enough to have a secure hold. Moving with it only when I knew that we were both calm enough to make the journey to the open air. Taking a moment to know that catching a wild bird may happen to me only this one time. Walking to the open back door. Stepping outside. Opening my grip. Watching as the bird flew away, without a backward glance, safe for one more day.

Michael, the Web Guy’s Note:

I am really enjoying watching this blog take shape… it echoes the business, it echoes the community, and it represents the people and the thoughts that rumble through our collective minds.  It is fun watching Barbara find her voice, I am always eager to receive her blog posts, as they truly make me think and reflect.  She has taken the opportunity to spark thought and engage all of us…. so in that case it can’t always be about the hotel industry! Sometimes it is a very real world that impacts us daily… and makes our community reel from the complexity of the problems that afflict all of us, whether families or concerned community members. This is heavy, but markedly appropriate, topical, relevant… and *real*.  Honestly.. suicide is something that I have paid special attention to in my life… when I was young I actually seemed anguished with adolescent ennui enough that I was being “watched” and had written about it in poetry, etc. I personally don’t see suicide as something that is rational, or a choice. Many people mistakenly write off the act as a visceral decision, while most documented survivors share that they realized their “compulsion” (not “decision”) was a mistake, while at the point of no return. Physical infirmity, convalescence, and euthanasia aside…. ending one’s own life is not a cogent, rational decision…. and it is important for the public to be more open and create more of a dialog about this in regards to mental illness.

There is a wonderful book called “Or Not To Be…” by Marc Etkind. It is a collection of suicide notes. Although he self-admittedly acquiesces to the book being semi-pornographic voyeurism, he feels that is outweighed by the need to create a dialogue about mental illness, and capturing irrational moments of people’s lives to illustrate just how unhealthy, unhinged, and ungrounded the mind of a suicidal person actually is. It is not sane, balanced, or voluntary… it is a violently irrational compulsion. There is a necessity in not hiding or being ashamed of it… and a deeper need to understand a person’s last attempt at communicating with the world that they felt alienated or cut off from.

It is important we aren’t embarrassed by the dark hallways of our human condition, and as loving, capable humans we use our hearts and minds like lights and mirrors to shine light down the hallways to help light a path to reconciliation, and mental health.  I don’t know if it is my place, but I am really proud of Barbara for touching on some of the most personal, and profound, of topics.  - end note

If you are ever feeling alone, dark, or desperate… please…. there are far too many simple, anonymous, helpful resources to not give it a shot.

For immediate help:

Suicide and Crisis Service, Santa Clara County: Hot line (24 hours): 408.279.3312

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800.273.8255

National Suicide Hotline: 800.784.2433

For more information:

TeenSuicide.US

American Academy of Pediatrics Information Page for Parents

A very informative page that has endless information